The story of me

This blog is going to be my daily check to see what the story of me is .
For this one year I want to question all the paradigms I have held about myself, and ask a lot of what ifs.
In recent retrospect I have realized that our stories that we create about ourselves are not that reliable. They are just frames in which initially, our society, our peers, our families and eventually we our selves try to cram ourselves into.

If the fit is close enough we never notice, if we are smart enough to do whats expected of us we never notice; we are only following orders written for us, because they are made to seem that they were our ideas all along... sometimes things can misfire:

If we don't make the cut: one of 2 things happen:

1. We feel like losers because we have not fulfilled our 'story' that was put out for us

2. We are just smart enough to question our story

I happen to be a loser of the second variety. And I question my story. I come from a family of doctors. I almost made it but eventually could not get in. Thus I am labeled a failure in every one's eyes. Of course they are all very sympathetic and kind, but  you can see it in their eyes.

But what can I do ? To make things worse, I became a nurse thus underlining my second hand nature in their eyes. This is not a blog about about how nurses are just as good as docs. Please not that!

This is a blog about redefining myself and create a living breathing life that has a meaning, where I am a being, being whom ever i want to be. So how do i redefine myself and break free from how i was defined at birth?

What are the right questions to ask?
What are the right spells to do?
What should my new me look like ?
What are facts that i will now imprint on my consciousness that will define me ?
How will I stay true to this new being I am going to create?
I dont want my passins to be defined by others' quotations
Whom am i ? I ? I ? I ?

You see my aim is to replace one set of facts with another, so completely and absolutely as to ensure that the previous life never existed. In order for that to happen I must needs get in touch with myself. What are my facts about myself?

I need to find out what my inner self quickens to?  I have had brief glimpses of my inner self at times. When it surprised me by saying: Not this, but that! And when I listened to it, I knew a very very rare happiness, just flashes of pure feeling that have stayed in my memory as a sign of what i am capable of feeling

So today i decided to begin a personal blog to put together what i really know of myself.

I will try to classify myself thus:

What are my likes?
What are my dislikes?

In truth that would pretty much cover me and let me  begin to have a picture of where i need to be and what i need to do.
More later....